Sally Titasey offers music as medicine

Sally Titasey (: 00:00

That's a big part of what feels inspiring to us is music is medicine, music is prayer, music is spell casting, music as a way to create our reality. Yeah.

Nikko Snyder (: 00:20

I'm Nikko Snyder and this is Parenting Creative, a podcast that explores the places where creative life and parenting collide and all the magic and mess that ensues. In our inaugural season, we're delving into the creative lives of parents making art that ranges from theater and music to poetry, journalism and craft. Our goal is to build community and connection for those living deep in the struggles of caring for others while at the same time prioritizing their own creative lives. If you'd like to hear more conversations about making art while parenting,

Please help grow our community by following Parenting Creative wherever you get your podcasts, leaving us a five-star review with a few kind words, and visiting parentingcreative.com to sign up for our email newsletter.

Today on Parenting Creative, I'm talking to musician Sally Titasey who is a member of Oh Pray Tell, a stomp, clap, and vocal harmony-driven trio. Sally is based on Sinixt territory in BC and is the parent of two school-age children. Oh Pray Tell is made up of Sally and her creative partners, Betty Supple and Shayna Jones. On their website, they write about the project, three-part harmonies grounded in banjo and stomp, clap, cajun rhythms carry poetry, stories, and spoken word.

Oh Pray Tell offers up an original soulful sound influenced by gospel, rhythm and blues, roots music and folk storytelling. With deep gratitude for the land, water, all beings and the wisdom of our well ancestors past and present, this is our humble offering. In my conversation with Sally, we explore giving yourself permission to prioritize creative life, even when you know that will take you away from your kids. We also talk about centering connection over perfection, homeschooling, platonic life partners.

using art to help children process and understand the world, making art with our children, creative process as a way to move through stuckness, songs as medicine, and reframing creativity as an offering to whoever needs to receive it. Here's my conversation with musician and parent, Sally Tiddasee.

Welcome to Parenting Creative Sally. Thank you for joining me.

Sally Titasey (: 02:23

Thanks for having me, Nikko

Nikko Snyder (: 02:26

I would love to start with just hearing a little bit about yourself, your art, your life, your kind of place in the world. Would love to just learn a little bit more about you.

Sally Titasey (: 02:39

Okay, well maybe I just start by introducing myself to give a little context. My name is Sally Titasey and I'm the daughter of Hillary Ford and Tinnis Titasey and the granddaughter of Enid Bowie and Helen Ford and Ina Mills and Henrik Titasey. And I am of on my mom's side, English, Irish, Scottish.

Western European heritage. And on my dad's side, Torres Strait Islander, which is Melanesian, Samoan so Polynesian, Indonesian and Malaysian. And I identify as a Torres Strait Islander, which is an Indigenous Australian. And also as a settler on, an uninvited guest and settler on Turtle Island in Sinixt territory. And I am a parent of two kids.

And I mean, I'm lots of different things, but I guess I'm coming here with my creative hat on and there are lots of things I do in the world creatively, but the project that's taking a lot of the media, that's taking a lot of my focus lately is music. I have a music project that I'm, it's my hot work right now. And other work that I do in the world is I am a death doula. I'm interested in end of life.

support work and I've been a baker for many years. So there's a few things.

Nikko Snyder (: 04:13

Yeah. Thank you for that picture of you and some of the things you love to do. I think one of the things that I would love to learn more about in this conversation generally is your musical life. So I know that your current project, O Pre Tell, is I think taking new shape or is evolving and that you've had some...

I think exciting opportunities over the last maybe couple years. So I'd love to get into that a little bit more. So maybe could you tell us a little bit more about that project? I'd love to hear a little bit more about Oh Pray Tell and how it's evolved over time and where it's at now.

Sally Titasey (: 04:56

Yeah, sure. So, Oh Pray Tell began, I've lost count, a few years ago now, I want to say maybe nine, nine almost 10 years ago, with my dear close friend and life partner, Beth Stuppel. And she and I have sung together since we were teenagers and been in various music projects together. And we decided that we wanted to

get rid of instrumentation, just bring it back to voices and rhythm and to see what happens happens from there to get back to the essence of why we both love to make music. And for both of us, I think the heart of it is harmonies singing together and making harmonies. And so we began this very simple stomp clap project where we we were just stomp clapping and singing. Eventually, we brought in the banjo, which is a fairly new instrument.

to Betty, but we decided on that instrument because it was a newer instrument and we weren't going to fall into old styles or ways of playing that we had before. And so she and I were playing as Oh Pray Tell for a number of years. And then I think it was probably four years ago now, we got an email from Shayna Jones, who is an embodied storyteller.

She lives in Argenta BC, she is not just a storyteller, an amazing actor, she's a musician, she's an amazing performer. And we got a message from her saying that she'd seen some of our work and felt really aligned with what we were doing. Because in her work, she works with rhythm, just rhythm and voice a lot as well. And so felt really aligned with our style.

invited us to get together with her at some point. And so we did get together. We met up in Kaslo and spent a day at the Langham Theatre together, just vibing to see what would happen. And the chemistry was amazing. And I think that started our journey of the three of us just kind of falling in love with each other and the process that we'd begun. And so Shayna, you know, we'd all meet up here and there over the next couple of years. And

eventually we got to the point where it was feeling like not only was this project feeling really satisfying and fulfilling creatively, it was also feeling really just supportive to each of our lives. so it was a year ago now, almost a year ago that Shayna officially joined the band and made Oh Pray Tell a Trio. And so for the past year, we've been

working with a new commitment together with this project and that has given the project a new momentum. And we've received a few grants, which has been really helpful in funding us just to actually get together because we all live in different places. We all have children, lives and things that we need to coordinate. And so we've been able to get together and have residencies and do writing. And we went on our first tour last August, which

was a success and we're going go into our second tour as a trio this April.

Nikko Snyder (: 08:28

I got to see you on, I guess, your summer tour, got to experience you as a trio. And that might have actually been the first time that I saw you perform live. So that is my experience of Oh Pray Tell is in its trio form. But yeah, just your harmonies, the cohesion, but that beautiful coming together of voice. can hear something of the relationships in that sound that you create.

Sally Titasey (: 08:58

Well, good. think that's what we're feeling and that's why we like it so much. I think Shayna feels like this miracle that we've always wished for a third. And so it has felt like this miracle of her showing up and not just creatively feeling like we jive, but in all the ways that Shayna just fits, slotted right in.

Nikko Snyder (: 09:21

If you want to discover more about the miracle that is Shayna Jones, we're going to link out to her website, we are storyfolk.com in our show notes. You've mentioned Beth as a really central person in your, in your life and your creative life. And I'm curious about, well, one basic thing I, I'm curious when you came to Canada, like you talked about you've that your relationship with Beth has gone back since you were teenagers. And I'm curious, like what actually brought you to Canada? I don't know that about you.

Sally Titasey (: 09:51

Well, my mom was Canadian. And so she went to Australia back in the 70s at a time when Australia was importing teachers. didn't have enough teachers. So they were paying teachers from around the world to come. And so she ended up in Australia on that wave and ended up in this far off place, Thursday Island in the Torres Straits, where my dad lived. So that's how they met. And so when I was a kid, my mom sorted out

citizenship for my sister and I in Canada. And so once I was done school, I was about to start university in Australia and then I just made an impulsive decision to not. And my dad bought me a ticket to Canada for something to do. I was just in a bit of a stuck place and things weren't feeling like they had flow and weren't feeling right. And so he just offered for me to come on a trip. He bought me a ticket. And so I just came and I was 19 at that point.

as in Canada. And so that was: 2001

Yeah, and so that was the beginning of our life together. And that was the first time we performed. I remember performing with her in the dining room of the restaurant that we both worked in. And things have evolved and moved. We ended up both living out in Victoria together for quite a few years. And so we have a lot of community base out there. Yeah. And so that was 23 years, 24 years ago now.

Nikko Snyder (: 11:50

So my understanding is that you have made some adjustments, like you're talking about this kind of renewed or, you know, a commitment to this project in its current form. There's some grants, there's some tours. I know you've released some, some new music, I think recently. So I'm curious, what I understand is that you've made some significant shifts to your, I guess how you've set up your life.

as a parent and a partner and in order to prioritize this part of your life. And I'm wondering if you could talk about that, anything you have changed in order to kind of prioritize your artwork more and what's that looked like for the rest of your life.

Sally Titasey (: 12:39

That is true. There have been some changes that really needed to start from my... mean, initially it started with me being able to give myself permission to pursue something that isn't and hasn't been, and I don't know if it ever will be, but hopefully at some point will be something that is financially sustainable, that sustains itself.

It feels like a big leap in a risk jumping into creative project this way and dedicating so much time and energy to it. And especially for me now at this point in my life as a parent of two children, I have a 10 year old and a seven year old who I homeschool. And so my kids are very, I've kept them, they're very close. I've kept them very close and they're, and up until the last year really hadn't spent any time.

away from them. And so it felt, it's, felt difficult to get my mind around that piece of giving myself permission to have these belts of time away from them. And I'm, mean, you know, a riding retreat or I'm on the road that feels hard. I have a lot of separation anxiety and, but that's been a thing that I've realized is the thing I need to overcome. If this is a, is something I'm going to pursue.

So that was, think, the first big step for me was to start making plans that I knew would take me away from them for bouts of time. And the other members of my band also have children and so are arranging, leading to arrange their lives around that as well. Betty, who is in the band with me and also is like a close lifelong friend, has a one year old. So often we're...

combining forces and figuring out what to do with all the children. So for example, this weekend we have a band intensive, we have this weekend we're putting aside to do some visioning and some grant writing for the upcoming year. Yeah, and so it ends up being a bit of a community effort as to how we manage the childcare. The way that I'm set up is I guess a little bit of an alternative

you know, scenario. I have my partner Rob, who I live with, who is the father of my kids. We're here co-parenting, live together. And there is a lot to facilitate just with having kids who are homeschooling and having activities to go to. I also have my Betty, who is like a platonic life partner. We make our life plans together. We support each other in raising our kids. She's here and is, you know, really part of that

that scene, she migrates and moves around a lot, but is here a lot of the time, some of the time. And when that's happening, we're able to combine efforts and support each other to spell each other off with the kids. So sometimes she'll take the kids while we do a thing and vice versa.

Nikko Snyder (: 15:46

You referred to as your platonic life partner and I love that. Yeah.

Sally Titasey (: 15:51

It really, that has felt really solidified since we've had kids for me, I think, you know, really realizing the importance of that friendship and relationship. And we're also creative partners. And we've really grown together in so many ways. And it's amazing. We often marvel at how our paths have stayed, you know, they've kind of crisscrossed here and there, but they've stayed fairly parallel our whole lives. We've really evolved, kept up with each other.

So I can't really imagine life without her. And then I also have another partner. have another romantic partner who, so we're in kind of a poly setup where this partner is also really helpful and supportive with all the children as well. So for example, this weekend, he's going to be taking all the kids on Sunday so that we're able to have our, how intensive and then.

Rob's taking the kids on Saturday. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm, hope is that as this continues is that the sense of community is the thing, especially with the, the children feel like the big thing for me. That's like the sticking point. If it was just me and I was trying to pursue this project, there would be just a lot more. I wouldn't feel the same level of needing to be accountable for my movements as much, but I really do want to make sure that my kids feel stable and held.

knowing that I'm going to take time away from them. so having a sense of community around them in this way has felt really important and has also allowed me to feel not burdened by that initial sense of guilt in being away from them. That was what I really felt at the beginning. I felt so guilty and like I wasn't being a good parent by not being with them all the time and trying to reframe that for myself so that I can remember that it's

I want them to see me doing something, following a passion. I want them to see me in my artistry and in my creativity and with the hope that they will see that demonstrated. And then that part of them is also something that's able to live without feeling burdened by, I don't know, socialized roles or these ideas we have of how we should be as parents in a apartment.

Yeah, to sum it all up, it's really just had to be a mind shift for me to be able to give myself permission to be able to take time to give to a project like this. And also it's taken a lot of support from the people around me who love me and my kids.

Nikko Snyder (: 18:31

Yeah, thank you for touching on that idea of giving yourself permission to prioritize something other than your parenting role or to have that be still a super central part of your life and also wanting to model that for your children, that you are pursuing this passion and that that is something that is important for us to be able to do. I was going to specifically...

ask you about that emotional journey, that guilt or shame or anxiety around that process? I don't know, you've already spoken to that a little bit. Is there anything more that you would want to add about that emotional journey for yourself?

Sally Titasey (: 19:15

Yeah, think part of the weight of that was being able to value creative process. really wasn't something that I grew up valuing. It wasn't something that I think my parents necessarily valued, which makes sense. You know, we were very working class and my parents worked really hard for what we had. We were never rich by any means. My parents were, yeah, working class, they, but we were never

want, you know, we were never, my sister and I were never wanting for anything. We were well taken care of in that way because my parents were hard workers. So there was this work ethic that was instilled in me, this idea that, you know, I'm as good as how hard I work or I'm as good as how productive I am. And that somehow the things I needed to be doing needed to be tied to, you know, my ability to make money.

And of course that makes sense. We need to make money to be able to live and take care of ourselves. But it has felt difficult to get out of the mindset of needing to do the functional things, everything else, before getting to do something creative in the day. The dishes need to be done before I can get to...

play my instrument. the other things, everything else is prioritized over creative process. And that is really something that I'm still struggling with in my own mind, but have made a resolve to try to shift that for myself because I would like that to sit differently for my kids. I would like them to really, really value their creativity. My kids are just, they're so creative. They're creating all the time. And I do think it's true that

for me anyway, and maybe everybody, that having creative process and to be making things is a part of a good and fulfilling life for me. And I believe that to be true for my kids. And so I want them to be able to value creative process as an essential part of life. And there is everything else around that that also needs to happen, but.

so that we're able to hold that piece to make sure it does still happen and that we do hold room and space.

Nikko Snyder (: 21:37

What I heard you say was that there wasn't necessarily a huge value placed on creative life for you growing up. So where do you think that came from in your in yourself? Has it always been there? Has that always been part of you?

Sally Titasey (: 21:52

Definitely. grew up, for most of my young childhood, from four to about 12, I lived on a boat with my family. And my father was a fisherman, a cray fisherman. So we were migratory. We moved around with the crayfish. And it was quite isolated. We were often just out at sea, and there were some other boat kids around sometimes.

or sometimes we'd be parked in town at the main island. But I spent a lot of time on my own with my sister, on my own. And so a good deal of my childhood was just spent reading and then making things. was often just in my own little world, making song, making poetry, writing. So that has always been there. I've just always loved to make things.

In all different ways, I love to cook, I love to bake, I love crafting and sewing and having a garden. And so for me, it just does feel like a big part of what gives me life and purpose is making things and creating things.

Nikko Snyder (: 23:05

I just want to take a second to thank you for tuning in. Parenting Creative is an independent Canadian podcast. If you like what you hear, please help us grow by taking a few moments to sign up for our email newsletter at parentingcreative.com and by following us on social media. We're at Parenting Creative on Instagram and Blue Sky.

I'm also curious to hear a bit about how your art is reflected in your parenting. So, and I just want to share a story of my experience of your art. You were doing some shows in the summer. It was right around the time that we had, we were having some really significant and terrible wildfires right around our homes that were impacting us and our community.

And some of your shows I know had to be cancelled and it was like not a great moment. And thankfully this show, one of your shows that you had right in our little community here went on and I was able to come to that. And it was wonderful and a really important kind of community moment for me at a time when things were feeling rough in our community and we were all dealing with this hard thing with the fires.

But at that, so at your show, there was a song that you performed that was specifically about the fires and I think, our need for rain. And it was just, it was, felt like it was kind of a processing of the situation and some of the fear and grief of the, that situation. And you mentioned that your children were involved with the creation of this song. And I would love to hear about that because for me, and, and, and when you played the song, I basically just wept the whole time. And it was very like.

There was a lot of grief, I think, that we were all processing. But what I'd love to hear from you is a little bit about, I guess, using art or using your creative process and your music as a tool for parenting. Like, did you... What I perceived was that you were using this creative process to help your children understand what was going on and process what was going on. And I thought that that was really powerful.

Sally Titasey (: 25:14

Yeah, so that song, We Need the Rain, was I actually had no hand in writing that song. Beth was here with her baby and my kids one day, and I needed to go out and run an errand. But that was exactly the thing that was happening. We had just been indoors. It had been so smoky. Well, you know, we were just, everybody was inside with all their air purifiers on, and we were all just driving each other crazy.

Being stuck indoors, the kids couldn't go out to play. And so that was what was happening. The kids were inside. so Betty started writing a song with them and invited them to join her in writing a song and giving some ideas for this song around, you know, what is it feeling like? What does this feel like that the fires are happening? What does it mean? And what's the prayer that we're saying around this? And so they spent some time writing and so all the lyrics in the song.

were written by my kids. And when I got home, they showed me the song and they basically then taught me and Shaina the song.

you

We'll dance and dance and dance and dance and we'll be gone

We realized that there was really good potential for a sing-along piece in that song and yeah it's interesting you get that feedback. We got that feedback from several people after playing that song in the Kootenays during this time because everybody was holding so much grief and anxiety and there was so much unsteadiness and

You know, the lyrics of the song are very just kid-like. They're very literal and kid-like and we need the rain. They're going to put the fires out. And then the piece of being able to sing collectively together as just a moment of feeling some solidarity and some healing and expression movement of some of that feeling felt really good for me and I think for lots of people who got to do that with us. And so it felt so medicinal.

It's gonna put the fires out. It's gonna put the fires out.

And it's true that we, as a trio, we do work with the idea of songs being tools, songs being medicine, songs being vessels for healing. And that is often, that mindset is often part of what our process is when we're creating songs. And so, actually the very first song that we, the one and only song we have released as a trio sits in that place as well.

and that's The Rain It Falls. And we wrote that song in a moment of stuckness. We were in our residency and there was an energetic block. We were together and there was a block and something had happened and the energy was jarring and we weren't really knowing where to move. But we had just done a little workshop with Shaina who we've done some work on fables and storytelling. And within that workshop,

We'd written out on this big piece of paper all of the words of wisdom we could think of, the little phrases or things that we use to tell our kids in moments when they're needing comfort or whatnot. And so we began singing this song to help ourselves get out of this stuck moment. And it turned into a song that we realized was for our children.

and not just our children, but for ourselves. So the premise of the song is just that it's okay. It actually might not be okay. The external circumstances might not be okay, but here we are in this moment and how do we frame it for ourselves so that we're able to center and just figure out what the very next step is we need to take.

As above, so below

Everything in good time, Flowers wither, weeds grow

I know you're disappointed, Things aren't going as you dream

And so that song has been a song that we as a band, as a trio, on tour, there were many times on tour where things were feeling hot and we would use that song as a tool to bring ourselves back into the moment, to bring back and remember that small is all and we just need to think about what the very next thing is to do. It is okay. It is okay. And because the next thing to do is this.

So yes, so yes, that's a big part of what feels inspiring to us is that this music is medicine, music is prayer, music is spellcasting, music as a way to create our reality.

Nikko Snyder (: 31:28

Yeah, I mean, that's really beautiful. I think another word that I've heard you use to describe your music is as an offering. I feel like certainly as somebody who's benefited from the medicine of your music, I feel like it's medicine for your audience. But also you've talked about the experience of

Sally Titasey (: 31:38

Thank

Nikko Snyder (: 31:51

of needing to journey through like a stuck thing and being able to do that as a trio with this songwriting process.

Sally Titasey (: 32:01

That idea stems back to in our young days, and I would busk a lot on the street. I had terrible, terrible stage fright and it was, felt really paralyzing and it was really hard for me to, it was something I really wanted to move through and I started busking. And so we would do that together. We'd busk a lot. And I remember there was a day where I was really feeling

I was really feeling stuck and just feeling paralyzed and not able to sing a song. I don't remember the specific situation, but I wasn't feeling free to do it. I was feeling all frozen up. And Beth said to me, know, why don't this is just we're just offering a thing. People can receive it or not. And that really has stuck with me for the rest of my life and everything that I do, you know, because I think I have a tendency to

be a bit of a perfectionist in the things that I'm up to and that really helps me just remember that I can come back to the reason why I'm doing anything, what is the point of it and that framing is really helpful for me and feels generative when I'm doing something creative. know, for there to be a purpose and that purpose be that it's just, it's a thing to offer up that could hopefully...

be helpful or beautiful or soothing or whatever it needs to be for whoever needs to receive it and not everybody is gonna want to or need to receive it and that's okay, that's fine. But it's an offering for whoever does and that feels like a really worthwhile reason to pursue something to me. So it's a mantra that's really helpful for me in music but in all the things I'm doing.

Nikko Snyder (: 33:49

You just refer to yourself as a bit of a perfectionist and that this idea of offering of yourself and your work and your processes is helpful for that tendency. Perfectionism is definitely something that I have experienced as a barrier to creative practice.

Sally Titasey (: 34:09

Yeah, me too. I think that that probably is part of what added to my freeze back in the day, just worrying about the thing not being good enough or the thing not being worthwhile or formed perfectly enough. And I think that there's a lot more ease in that these days. It's still there, definitely. It's a default mode that I can go into. But if I'm able to come back to this idea that we are just making an offering and that song

We Need the Rain, I'm just realizing both the songs we've mentioned have the word rain in it, but the We Need the Rain song that was written by the kids, that felt like such a good example of that. wasn't, didn't need to be some kind of perfect songmanship. That wasn't the purpose of what that was. The purpose of what that was was for connection. And so,

That's one for me to come back to, you know, when I'm really getting into the details of something and thinking something's not good enough. What has happened for me in my life is that being preoccupied with something being good enough or perfect enough can compromise my connection with the people around me or with the thing I'm actually trying to do. So that with this idea of the thing being an offering, but also

coming back to just wanting to remember that in my heart, what I want is to prioritize connection, even though that may not be my default mode, but to be trying to remind myself of that every step of the way.

Nikko Snyder (: 35:48

I was just thinking a little bit more, you were talking about the process of writing The Rain It Falls. Sorry, that what? Now I'm getting the two confused, The Rain It Falls, the process of writing that song. I guess, I mean, the message of that song, it's a great message for children to learn about hard times when things don't go our way, when things may not turn out as we hoped, being able to.

to learn how to be with that and to move through that. So I just, yeah, I just wanted to touch back on that because I think that's just such a crucial thing for kids to learn. That's not, my kids have a hard time with that.

Sally Titasey (: 36:31

It's also things I struggle with, like the idea of being adaptable, like letting go of just accepting disappointment and letting, know, and expectations are not met. Radical acceptance of situations that are just really hard and, you know, that we can't change. think those are things that I hope my kids learn to be better at from an or start practicing to be better at from an earlier age than I have started.

Nikko Snyder (: 37:02

You said radical acceptance. What does that mean to you?

Sally Titasey (: 37:05

Yeah, I guess I learned that term through DBT and kind of therapy. But coming to terms with a situation that you can't change, you know, when when when things are happening, and it's really hard to accept that a certain thing is happening, or someone's doing has done a thing or said a thing, you can't actually do anything about it. And it's tearing you up inside. But finding a place to be able to even if it's

you don't condone the thing or the thing, you know, you don't wanting to justify the thing that's happened, being able to hold that and also hold the fact that it is what's happening or it is what has happened. Does that make sense? In order to be able to get your mind to a place to understand what to do next, rather than feeling just stuck in the not being able to accept that this is the thing that's happening, the injustice.

Nikko Snyder (: 38:05

Quick note on DBT, if you're not familiar with it, it stands for dialectical behavioral therapy, which is a type of psychotherapy that teaches people to accept their thoughts, feelings and behaviors, and the techniques to change them. DBT is based on CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy, but it focuses more on the emotional and social aspects of living. We'll share some more information in our show notes.

my kids are pretty much the same age as your kids. And the degree to which life is so busy and just so kind of relentlessly, there's always more that either has to be done or that, you know, constantly trying to understand how to prioritize all the things when there's not enough time, right? There's not enough time to do like the basics of the day, I feel. And then, and yet I'm also trying to find ways of

Prioritizing creative life, prioritizing kind of like myself, my wholeness. And it maybe is just a time of life thing, but I resist that. I don't want to sacrifice kind of my whole personhood for this time of life. I guess I'm just really resistant to that.

Sally Titasey (: 39:16

I feel resistant to that too. And I think it's easier for me to identify that. Yeah, no, this feels true. Like the start of it being easier for me to identify was just that not wanting to demonstrate that for my kids. And it also comes up, I notice, in just how I spend time with them when we're at home, because we homeschool and our lives are set up so that we're just around each other a lot of the time.

I haven't been very good at making clear this is when we're hanging out time, we're having quality time together, we're just kind of around each other all the time and I'm often busy doing my things amidst giving them attention, you know, making them lunch and when I'm able to quiet the noise and actually just be with them and be creating with them, it feels so good and

That is something I want to remind myself is that I, it's kind of like two birds with one stone. I can have time really like quality and deep connected time with them while also doing what I feel like doing. They're old enough now that we can be having a really satisfying creative time together. Whether that be making up dances or writing songs or painting together. can really enjoy the activities that we're doing and it can also just feel really.

quality and connected. And so that's one that I'm starting to feel excited about this idea of me and of the kids and I having a collective creative process together. What can we make and what can we do together and sink into? And it's not one that I feel like I fully implemented yet. You know, it's still at the beginnings of needing to remind myself that that something I want to prioritize is just having time together in that way.

because I am just such a buzzy around getting things done kind of person. And that isn't, you know, that just isn't what I want to be demonstrating to them all the time. And I also just want them to feel that kind of closeness with me.

Nikko Snyder (: 41:26

day to day, what do you find really works for you or gets in your way?

Sally Titasey (: 41:32

Yeah, something that works for me now, something that's different now to before I had kids was I was such a night owl. That was when a lot of my creative juices would want to flow. And I just can't actually stay up really late now and then also get up and be a functioning human at a good hour the next day. So what I notice now is that getting up early is before my kids, my kids sleep in. And so

If I'm able to get up and have a couple of hours before they get up, that is great. And even if I'm not being creative necessarily, but if I'm able to get up, exercise a bit and do some writing and just have some quiet time to center myself, that really sets me up for a good day. The way that Rob and I have set ourselves up this past school year to try out is we've divided the week up so that I'm responsible for all kid

functions of half the week and he's responsible for the other half of the week. And so the week that we're not on kid duties, we're usually around, but we're just not necessarily the ones in charge of laundry and meal prep and that kind of thing and facilitating kid activities. And so that set up we're finding has its pros and cons. The pros being that there's this chunk of time, three days of the week, that I'm able to be free of my...

my home duties and can just, it feels a lot easier to give myself permission than to take a bunch of hours and practice, to have band practice or write and, and something else that's new for me this year is that I have a little studio, which is away from the house. And so I'm finding that helpful to have a different place to go. And so I enter into this other place and they're just aren't the same distractions as there are at home. There just are always things to do at home.

And because of my mind, my brain and my personality, those are really distracting and preoccupying for me if I'm trying to sink into a creative space, if I haven't folded the laundry or done the dishes, whatever. So if I'm away from that, it's much easier for me to drop in. And so I have a couple of days of the week where I'm able to create my schedule. Like this is one of my days, for example, where I'm able to do this kind of thing. So that's a scheduling piece that we're trying out this year.

that has allowed me to have chunks of time that I can go away and you know before that it was sort of a lot more just back and forthy with the kids throughout the day and I'm finding there's benefit to having a day to do something to get into something. Yeah and then something else that's been feeling helpful that's just fairly new is doing kind of a group meal prep, a weekly meal planning and then group meal prep on

Sundays with our whole crew, the kids playing and being here and then just cutting up all our vegetables and getting a pot of something made and our sauces made so that through the week, that's just not a thing that we're needing to spend hours doing. I found that feels very new to the schedule, but I found it really helpful the last couple of weeks.

Nikko Snyder (: 44:45

I would like you to be able to share anything that's upcoming with Oh Pray Tell or anything else that you are working on in life. How can people find you and support your projects? Yeah, what would you like people to know?

Sally Titasey (: 45:01

Well, thanks for asking. Oh Pray Tell has quite an extended tour coming up and that's going to be happening starting at the end of March and going through April. We'll be touring in the East Kootenays, the West Kootenays, then the Lower Mainland and then the islands. And so if those are areas that you live in, you can follow us and you'd like to come to a show.

I mean, and even if you don't, you'd like to just follow what we're up to. We're on Instagram at Oh Pray Tell and Facebook. And those are probably the two best ways to follow us. A more direct way would be if you're not on social media, would be just to sign up for our newsletter, which is very infrequent and will only come out when there are specific things like tour dates to tell or new releases to tell about. And you can just go to our website, Oh Pray Tell.com and sign up for that.

Those are the main things. We're feeling pretty excited to, I know I'm feeling excited to be performing and be interacting with people and audiences again. Awesome.

Nikko Snyder (: 46:10

Cool. I hope that this will time out. not sure exactly when I'll be releasing any episodes yet, but hopefully it will time out to be able to let people know about those shows that are coming up. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about, things that you feel like are kind of central to you, your worldview, your parenting, your art that you want to touch on before we kind of get ready to start wrapping up?

Sally Titasey (: 46:41

As I do this, as I embark on this journey, I've met so many people who are in a similar, know, also parenting and also trying to figure out how to be themselves and how to find their own way while and stay a whole person while also being there for their kids.

Yeah, so I think just that, just feeling grateful that you're doing this, that this is a project you're pursuing. And I feel really honored to get to be in the first leg of this journey with you. It feels really, I'm excited. I'm really excited to listen to the other interviews because I also want to know how other parents are doing it. Before this, it was hard for me to believe that I could be a parent in an autist.

at the same time. And it's certainly not easy, but people are doing it. And so I think this feels important that these ideas and information and stories and ways are being shared so we can all benefit so our kids can benefit.

Nikko Snyder (: 47:50

well, thank you for those kind words and thank you for agreeing to have this conversation and join me. This really is the first leg of this project and I don't know exactly where this is headed or how things will evolve, but it's really wonderful to get an excuse to talk to you and to be able to have these conversations with other

people that really are. There's a lot of common ground that I'm hearing in people's experience, but also just a lot of different approaches and ways of trying and ways of learning and ways of being that I'm hoping will inspire more conversation and be hopefully a support and an inspiration and a community. I'm hoping that this will over time build some community as well. So thank you, Sally.

Sally Titasey (: 48:49

Thanks, Nikko.

to the free. Our freedom is dangerous to you, motherfucker. Our freedom is dangerous to you. Our freedom is dangerous to you.

Nikko Snyder (: 49:28

I want to give another huge thank you to Sally Titasey for joining me on Parenting Creative and sharing her beautiful wisdom and music. I also want to thank Oh Pray Tell for their permission to use clips from their songs, The Rain It Falls, We Need The Rain, and Salt Around The House. If you want to hear more conversations about the alchemy of parenting and creative life, please help the podcast grow by visiting parentingcreative.com to sign up for our email newsletter. And if you're able, by becoming a founding member of Parenting Creative,

You can find out more information about that on our website or in the show notes. also want to give credit to my partner in parenting and podcasting, Jeremy Sauer, for all his work to make parenting creative sound great. And to Natural Sympathies for the use of her song, Hello, as the parenting creative theme song. The song asks, is anyone out there? And I hope that you are. Parenting creative is recorded and produced on the traditional and unceded territory of the Sinixt in BC's Slocan Valley. Thanks for listening and I'll see you again soon.

Sally Titasey (: 50:23

No, we don't know just where we're going, but we're bringing all of us.